Right Speech

Over the years my personality has changed. I have learned to accept help from other people, and trust them. I used to be arrogant, cocky, and excessively competitive. It was very hard for me to take any advice from people I did not respect that much; to me, it was a sign of weakness. I used to focus on defending my beliefs and trying to tell the person I'm talking to that my beliefs are better, because at that time, that's how I really felt. But in time, I realized people have different personalities, and different philosophies in life. This is the beauty of being human. We have the freedom to express and live our lives our own way. And I believe that people can connect with each other with an proper approach to coming together through conversation. The exchange of wisdom and beliefs through speech doesn't necessarily mean people can't get along with contradicting beliefs. If you are willing to accept other perspectives other than your own and allow yourself to be confused once in a while, you'll find it very helpful to creating harmony with others.

I was with my mother, on the way to church we were having a casual conversation which quickly turned out to be a somewhat uncomfortable dialogue, well at least for my mother. Just before arrive to church, I asked her, “Ma, what would you say if I said I was a Buddhist?”, I expected her to dismiss the thought of it and force her catholic beliefs, which is what exactly happened, “What do you mean?! I didn't raise you up to be a Buddhist, Buddhism isn't good!” she replies very quickly and defensively. My mother is very religious, and sometimes her own beliefs (to her) is always the right way. I replied, “Well, I don't think you understand what Buddhism really is, it's not what everyone thinks it is, it has a reputation of being a religion.” I then proceeded to explain the debate between whether or not Buddhism was a religion or a philosophy. The answer is of course, both. But originally, Buddhism was just a teaching, and people started creating their own fabrications of what Buddhism is, when a religion arises, the certain traditions of religion is unavoidable. Anyway, after the explanation, my mom lightened up and started to listen. I kindly told her, that I didn't fully agree with hers, and I asked her to at least realize mine. So at that point, we came into harmony.

I did not necessarily defend my beliefs, I was open minded, and so was my mom. And I think that is why this conversation between my mom and I is very memorable – we finally came together in harmony with our beliefs. It was a conversation that lead to sharing beliefs, without friction, I allowed my mom to express her beliefs.

So what I learned that day? I learned that if two people learn to come together without any wrong motives, I think the conversation will run smoothly. Learn to observe your motive before you engage in a conversation.